T-8 months.

So, the count down is on.  Before I announced my recent engagement (which is late 4 months), I sort of read through my previous posts.  And WOW, how time flew.  But perhaps it wasn't that time was seemingly on speed, it was just how soon things just happened.  From the time I said 'we're dating 5 months now' to 'I'm getting married in another 8'.

And this journey, I must say is by far the most challenging, happiest, tumble-rumblest, crazy journey I've ever been on.  Rightfully so, because I've never been married.  Yup.

Preparations are well under way; the wedding, the new house, the new family, etc.  I sometimes look at others and feel envious; new brides look as if they glide into this new role with so much ease, complete with good manicure and princess ball gown and all.  I on the other hand, to be very honest with you, am struggling.

There is not an inch of doubt that this person is the (and one and only) love in my life.  My past, present and future - my all.  If I'm not marrying him then I rather not be married at all.  But these new roles and arrangements, can be traffic stopping and overwhelming.  From long discussions on starry romance to practical decisions that need to be made - the switch was quite abrupt.  Not to mention, it finally hit me that I'm leaving my family to be joined to his.  I sometimes wonder if I could live up being a 'proper' daughter-in-law.  Does not help with the fact that I have this 'over-achiever' syndrome at times.  When you put all with all, yup, the fact is I feel suffocated.

So how could this happen?  Here is the perfect person whom I love and would readily exchange my life for, and this is no exaggeration.  And there I am, at the door between two worlds which I'm finding it extra difficult to take the next stride.

We spoke yesterday whether we're both ready to get married.  He told me that he's ever so ready.  For it took him a long while to consider if he should pursue me, and when he finally made that decision, it was no longer a courtship of a simple date.  It was a decision that would change both his life and mine.  That this girl he was to date, will and must someday be his wife.

That bit right there.  I could write a book out of that.  Sniff :')

But what about me?  I don't know if this 'marrying mode' is on for me.  I wanna live in with him, cook for him, have crazy nights with him, have his babies, go on great adventures with him for the rest of his life and mine, but the idea of being a good wife, I suppose... is a daunting thought.  What is a good wife?  Am I able to live up to his and his family's expectations - that I should forego a part of my freedom and independence and sense of adventure (since he has less) in exchange for a mere title of a lawfully wedded wife?

So I googled.  I googled - how to be more positive.  And Wikihow suggests that for every situation that we automatically perceive negatively, find that silver lining and make that a habit.  That's what I will do.  I will keep practising till these feet of mine carry themselves gladly over to the other side where the grass is as green.

Deep breath now.  Wow, I'm getting married! :)

And for the record, the ring is perfect.