My musical journey today starts with Debussy.

I've been thinking a lot about my very own musical journey. I wonder if everyone has one. You have music fans, band fans, popstar fans, genre fans. I wonder what different journey says about each person and how did they discover their adventure and how do their tales unfold.

I'm generally a music fan. Something about every note being put together in an entirely harmonious yet unexpected way that swings in different moods and emotions. But if I were to have a favourite genre, then classical would really be it. Sounds like I'm a classical girl lost in an urban jungle. Unfortunately, not many of my peers appreciate classical music, making the trip to the local Philharmonic a little challenging unless I go solo. Oh well, maybe that's my musical journey.  Some parts I dance with others, some parts I dance solo.



So what's your musical journey?  Tell me that tale.

This is love made at work.

This is our 'Raya' open house, in conjunction with our Muslim friends' celebration Hari Raya, Eid al-Fitr or just 'Feast of Breaking the Fast'.  Wow, one year flew by so quickly.  Still remember our first 'open house' when we moved in to our new office.

Sometimes, I look at this team, I get sort of a bittersweet sour taste.  There are good times and there are bad times.  To expect no outburst in an ad agency for all working days in a year is like expecting perfection.  Sometimes the outburst is understandable and sometimes it's totally unjustifiable.  Like a child throwing a tantrum, I refuse to understand that.  Looking back at all these years of being in the advertising industry, I've came across so many types of people.  The fancy ones, the quiet ones, the emo ones, the straightforward ones, the working ones, and the 'tayang' ones.  Our industry compared to our clients, I must say, is truly colourful and multi-faceted.  I suppose you take some, you got to give some.  To expect excellence in commercial creativity does take a toll on people.

Just something that came up, earlier in my conversation with my boss.  There is only one type of people I'd like to hire.  The ones with Quality and Attitude.  Good quality but badass attitude will just trim off some living years for the rest of us.  Bad quality but a great eager beaver just doesn't seem to cut it either.

Our industry is quite notorious: Everyone has had a 'gangsta-flip-table' moment at least once in their advertising life, to get things done.  And after all those flying f-words, once calmed down, we patch things up.  To be honest, I hate to say this but what is the norm doesn't make it right.  Maybe it's age, maybe it's the amount of time I've spent working in this field - these kinda drama just don't cut it anymore.  I don't mind watching to pass time but I'm just fed up of babysitting and kissing unnecessary asses.  Let's just focus on the work and deliver the best quality we can to the people we serve - our clients, our community and our consumers.

Having said all that.  I'll just take a deep breath and flip the day over.  It's another brand new day.

p/s: Special mention: These two who supported me so much in my everyday work.  Sometimes some harshness is needed to be kind but anyhow, I'm thankful for both of them :)

Last weekend with grandma.

Last Saturday we had the most enjoyable time having morning brunch with our grandma.  Well, specifically his grandma, dad's side.  She's such a lovely joyous old lady and she never ceases to ask me about my work, life, etc.  And she loves to update us with the on-going family news that we always seem to be the last ones to catch on.  Somehow, she feels like my own grandma and it's strange cause I never had the chance to be this close to a grandparent before they passed on.

She sometimes is very forth-coming about her 'time' being up.  It saddens me but at the same time, the positive beam in her just radiates.  She would talk about how old she's getting and how much her physical self is deteriorating but she would say all that with a big smile and even laugh about it.  I'm not like extra keen on parenthood at this moment, but I really wish to be able to share her love with our baby.  I think she'll be a fantastic great-grandma :)

There we are, in the photo above doing a 'do re mi'.  And strange, I just realised what similar features we all have!  Well, here's to all grandmas in the world.  I hope you're loving and appreciating yours as much :) x

T-8 months.

So, the count down is on.  Before I announced my recent engagement (which is late 4 months), I sort of read through my previous posts.  And WOW, how time flew.  But perhaps it wasn't that time was seemingly on speed, it was just how soon things just happened.  From the time I said 'we're dating 5 months now' to 'I'm getting married in another 8'.

And this journey, I must say is by far the most challenging, happiest, tumble-rumblest, crazy journey I've ever been on.  Rightfully so, because I've never been married.  Yup.

Preparations are well under way; the wedding, the new house, the new family, etc.  I sometimes look at others and feel envious; new brides look as if they glide into this new role with so much ease, complete with good manicure and princess ball gown and all.  I on the other hand, to be very honest with you, am struggling.

There is not an inch of doubt that this person is the (and one and only) love in my life.  My past, present and future - my all.  If I'm not marrying him then I rather not be married at all.  But these new roles and arrangements, can be traffic stopping and overwhelming.  From long discussions on starry romance to practical decisions that need to be made - the switch was quite abrupt.  Not to mention, it finally hit me that I'm leaving my family to be joined to his.  I sometimes wonder if I could live up being a 'proper' daughter-in-law.  Does not help with the fact that I have this 'over-achiever' syndrome at times.  When you put all with all, yup, the fact is I feel suffocated.

So how could this happen?  Here is the perfect person whom I love and would readily exchange my life for, and this is no exaggeration.  And there I am, at the door between two worlds which I'm finding it extra difficult to take the next stride.

We spoke yesterday whether we're both ready to get married.  He told me that he's ever so ready.  For it took him a long while to consider if he should pursue me, and when he finally made that decision, it was no longer a courtship of a simple date.  It was a decision that would change both his life and mine.  That this girl he was to date, will and must someday be his wife.

That bit right there.  I could write a book out of that.  Sniff :')

But what about me?  I don't know if this 'marrying mode' is on for me.  I wanna live in with him, cook for him, have crazy nights with him, have his babies, go on great adventures with him for the rest of his life and mine, but the idea of being a good wife, I suppose... is a daunting thought.  What is a good wife?  Am I able to live up to his and his family's expectations - that I should forego a part of my freedom and independence and sense of adventure (since he has less) in exchange for a mere title of a lawfully wedded wife?

So I googled.  I googled - how to be more positive.  And Wikihow suggests that for every situation that we automatically perceive negatively, find that silver lining and make that a habit.  That's what I will do.  I will keep practising till these feet of mine carry themselves gladly over to the other side where the grass is as green.

Deep breath now.  Wow, I'm getting married! :)

And for the record, the ring is perfect.

"Little Flight" bookmark.

Handmade this last night.  Got home early and had a spark of inspiration to create.  Helps that I promised someone I will be bravely creative this year less I lose the will to live.  I might be taking my pledge wayyyy too seriously but it really encourages my flow :)

Just so you know, if you're interested, you can purchase this from The Good Samaritan Shop.

The trouble with jealousy.

I'm about to post something personal.  A little too personal for the other more popular blog I have, because it feels almost like you're showing a vulnerable side of you and that's not a very good idea.  I feel safer hiding in here.

2012 wasn't a highly eventful year for me.  But there was an epic occasion that I'd remember for the rest of my life.  And that's getting together with a long time friend mid-year and things were never the same.  And boy, they say love is a roller coaster and hell yeah, this is by far one of the most exhilarating rides of my life.  We've been together for 5 months now, and I'm learning so much about him, myself even and about life.  He has taught me so much without even him realizing it.

Not all emotions feel like a bed of roses, some are really hard thorns.  Some I never even knew they existed.  Sometimes I'm overtly emotional over the silliest things.  And it's weird.  You feel a thorn in your heart, say for example 'jealousy', so what do you do about it?  Do you numb it?  Sweep it under the carpet and hope for it to go away?  Do you confront it?  Do you enforce some rules?  What do you do?

I.  Have.  Never.  Felt.  Jealous.  Before.  And I kid you not.  My previous relationships never brought that emotion out in me before.  I was 'the' cool girlfriend.  I was okay with them hanging out with whomever and whichever girl and I'd be okay.  But for the past 3 weeks, I've been experiencing this tumultuous sea of feelings and I was kinda shock myself, for this feeling is so alien to me.  Yet I could feel that it's consuming me little by little.  And for the past 3 weeks, I'm really thankful to him because he listens.  All the time, albeit agitated and frustrated, but he listens.  It's also his first encounter with someone who has such clear logic of her emotions.  It's the first for both of us.  And so I broke down last night.  He feels like a bad boyfriend.  I felt like a bad girlfriend.  He doesn't have a solution because they've been best friends for close to 2 decades.  I don't expect them to change.  But I'm still 'feeling' it.  It felt to me as though we're locked.    He wants to find a solution so that I can get rid of the feeling.  I feel like there's no solution to this because you can't get rid of this kind of feeling.  Wow, it was a total mess.  We both want this to work, we both don't want me to feel this, we both understand the significance of the status of a best friend, we both don't want that to change.  Funny.  Sounds like we're both on the same page.  Then how come we feel so bad?  And how do you rid of this feeling?  In a healthy, constructive, loving, win-win manner?

I don't know.  But what I know is we woke up feeling loving.  I guess there's no strategic plan to this sort of thing.  It's to live through it one day at a time, and embrace the challenge, one day at a time.

So far, what has worked for me is, to acknowledge this feeling (because I tried numbing it and trust me, that doesn't work because damn those tears, they will find their way out).  Experience it and then, talk it out (you'll have to experience some defensiveness and frustration but that's okay, it's all part of the ride).  But I realized that it takes an equal partner to do this mind-fumbling cha cha with you.  And I thank God, he's a really good partner in solving conflicts with me.  It never turn into an argument, an intense tearful debate, yes.  But never an argument.

What worked for you?  How do you overcome the challenge of 'jealousy'?  We're all learning.  Personally I hope I've overcame this cause it's really not a pleasant feeling.  The frustrated part from our discussion last night was him doesn't understand why I'm feeling as such.  I then realized that men think women can switch their feelings on and off, which ahem, WE CAN'T, DAMNIT!  If I had a choice, I don't want to feel it too... But I've learned that I can't.  So I better figure a better way to deal with it.  Cause I don't want nothing to separate us.  That's how important he is to me.

ABC soup with pork ribs.

Sorry no pix!  Last weekend, a loved one fell sick - feverish, cough, headache, sore throat, the whole works.  I felt so sorry for him that I thought a big bowl of broth would cheer him up.  Due to time constrain, I decided to cook the classic 'ABC soup'.  I wonder what ABC stands for too but never really got an answer.  But anyway, the classic ABC soup has diced potatoes, carrots, onions and tomatoes (celery, corn, etc are optional).  I accidentally bought chicken and then I recalled that he's having a cough, so I swapped it with pork ribs.  Everybody love ribs right?

So here's what you need:
2 carrots - diced (to whatever shape you like but remember the larger chunk, the longer you have to cook it)
2 potatoes - diced
2 small white onion - I used one but because onion dissolves into the soup once it's soft, I suggest you use two instead
4 small tomatoes - I used 2 cause I was kinda worried that the pot won't fit and there're too much veg to every spoon of soup but they dissolve as well so 4 should be good
Pork ribs - I used about 10 pieces
Salt and pepper to taste

Here's what you need to do:
You could be very lazy - wash and throw everything into the pot, but I'd like my soup to look clear so I blanched and boiled the pork ribs in boiling water with a bit of salt to get all the impurities and excess oil out. Remove from pot, wash (the pot) and fill it up with any amount of water you like.  Put the pork ribs and potatoes in first cause these are the hardest to cook.  After 10 minutes, put everything else except for the tomatoes, which go in after another 10 minutes.  Once everything is in, bring to boil.  Once it's boiling, lower down the fire to a simmer and let it slow cook for about another half an hour to 40 minutes so that everything is soft including the pork ribs.  Add salt and pepper to taste, 10 minutes before serving.

And at the end, you get a big appreciative smile from a sick patient whom you just cheered up with a bowl of awesome :)

If you need something more filling, serve with white rice.  Mix soup into white rice and eat while hot.  When I was young, my mother used to serve me that when I was ill.  Always made me feel better :)